I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
