Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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