Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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