Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
