So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize