I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
