she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
