I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
