Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
