Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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