Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
