i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
