They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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