oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
