My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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