Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
3 2 1 whiskey
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
