I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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