Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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