The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
