Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
