I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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