Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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