do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
