thus making me awesome and them whores
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
