Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
