Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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