just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
