"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
