I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize