I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
