We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize