It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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