it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish you could order shots online.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
