so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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