4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
