I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
