He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize