Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
