literally had 100 drinks last night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
