I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
