Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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