I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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