look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize