my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
