I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
