People in love make me want to vomit
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
