why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
