i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize