His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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