Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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