My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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