end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
