Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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