i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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