You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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