You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
