do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is Oprah even human
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
