I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
