I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
