Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
