I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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