My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
