Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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