When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
