Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
