shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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