I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
