My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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