actually, I'm a sock model
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
