i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
