there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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