just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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