im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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