I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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