i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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