She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
