i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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