it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need moral support for this bender
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
