Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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