hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
