Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
