Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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