I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize