In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
