that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
